What to do in the event of a zombie apocalypse

Social media outlets and the blogosphere were alit this Sunday with the story of the story of a naked man in Miami who was eating the face off another man on the off ramp of a busy causeway.  According to the Miami Herald (at the time of this writing.  Apparently, the story on their website has changed several times since first released, adding fuel to some people's beliefs that this really was a zombie, since a changing news story just screams "cover up"):

One man was shot to death by Miami police, and another man is fighting for his life after he was attacked, and his face allegedly half eaten, by a naked man on the MacArthur Causeway off ramp Saturday, police said.

The horror began about 2 p.m. when a series of gunshots were heard on the ramp, which is along NE 13th Street, just south of The Miami Herald building.

According to police sources, a road ranger saw a naked man chewing on another man’s face and shouted on his loud speaker for him to back away.Meanwhile, a woman also saw the incident and flagged down a police officer who was in the area.

The officer, who has not been identified, approached and, seeing what was happening, also ordered the naked man to back away. When he continued the assault, the officer shot him, police sources said. The attacker failed to stop after being shot, forcing the officer to continue firing. Witnesses said they heard at least a half dozen shots.

Read more here: http://www.miamiherald.com/2012/05/26/2818832/naked-man-shot-killed-on-macarthur.html#storylink=cpy

Other frightening details from CBS Miami include "Armando Aguilar, who heads the local chapter of the Fraternal Order of Police, said he has spoken with the officer who responded. Aguilar said the officer saw what the man was doing, and ordered him to stop. He said the man growled at the officer, and then returned to his meal."  While numerous of accounts of this incident mention drugs as a likely cause of this man's bizarre and disturbing behavior, internet rumor has it that a preliminary report revealed no drugs in his system, however, as terrifying of a notion as that is, that is unlikely to be a factual report since police are keeping further information, such as the victims condition, under tight wraps.

So, yeah, this is problem some seriously messed up drug related craziness.  Or maybe it's just plain craziness and the result of someone's severe mental illness.  But what if it isn't?  What if this really was a zombie and it really is the beginning of the zombie apocalypse?  Yes, I know that's a long shot, but, much like the CDC's warnings of an impending zombie apocalypse last year, planning for such an eventuality means you are in pretty good shape for any sort of disaster.

Research

Perhaps it is especially fitting that this would happen in Florida during hurricane season.  Many of the same supplies you'd want to have on hand for a zombie apocalypse would get you through the worst hurricanes as well:  water (at least 1 gallon per person per day; although double that is even better), food that doesn't need electricity to store or prepare (I'd go with several weeks' supply rather than the usually recommended three day supply; think Hurricane Katrina....or the Walking Dead), medical supplies whether it be first aid supplies or medications or both, and something to board up your windows so they are zombie and/or hurricane proof.  In event of a really bad hurricane or zombies, defense isn't a bad idea either (Double tap!).

If you find the possible reality of a zombie apocalypse pretty frightening and want to get started prepping right away, but don't know where to start, you may find my previous post on getting started useful.  If you think this whole thing about this one incident being silly (or you just want to pretend you do, but are really doing research on zombies and how to survive, thrive, or even defeat them), here are some novels about zombies that I've particularly enjoyed:

Zombie Gardening

When I say the phrase "zombie gardening", I think the image that pops into people's minds is probably something like this

If you were hoping this is what I was talking about, they are available on Amazon

but I'm being more liberal with my definition of what sorts of corpses are being reanimated.  This is what I'm currently including in my zombie garden:

According to gems I've found on the best time-sucker ever, Pinterest, the corpses of all of these can be reanimated into new plants, that will eventually provide new food!

Chop off the top of a pineapple with a bit of core still attached and stick it in the soil:

Save the pit of an avocado and suspend it with toothpicks in water to grow a new tree:

Cut off the bottom of grocery store celery, stick it in the soil, stalk side up, and grow an easy new celery plant!:

For the sweet potato, cut it in half (longways) press into moist soil and cover them with plastic:

I mentioned my plan to start a zombie garden to my dad, and he told me there is in fact a whole book out there about it!  The book he mentioned is called The After-Dinner Gardening Book.  When looking for this book on Amazon, I discovered there is another book out there like this as well: Don't Throw It, Grow It!: 68 windowsill plants from kitchen scraps. I definitely will be seeking these books out from the library to try to grow my zombie (plant) army!

A Year's Supply of Food

One of my goals for this year is to accumulate at least a year's supply of food for my family.  This is something I've been wanting to do for quite a while, but I'm the kind of person that tends to wait until the last minute, right before the deadline, before completing a task and self imposed deadlines don't usually cut it.  This year, there is a date embedded in popular culture and historical references that works quite well as a deadline for my purposes:

December 21, 2012

What do I think will happen on December 21 of this year?  Probably nothing.  People will go to school or work in the morning and the malls and shopping centers will fill up in the evening, as the last weekend before Christmas kicks off.  I'll admit, a fanciful part of my imagination wonders if the galactic alignment really does mean anything and if there will be some sort of huge solar flares or coronal mass ejection or polar shift, but it is the same part of my imagination that worries about zombies reaching through the gap in the curtains at night, so it isn't a part of my brain that is given much credence.

Regardless, the date gives me a deadline and the huge increase in our food stamps from my husband being out of work gives me the means.  It might be possible to feed my family well on $161 a month (plus WIC), but it doesn't leave much for stockpiling extra anythings.

Now that I know I have this money coming, I put together a list of what I should have to feed my family for the year.  I used Making the Best of Basics: Family Preparedness Handbook as my guide, with an extremely important adjustment.  As I started to look at the numbers listed, I noticed that they looked really high as per person numbers, so I started to look into what the problem was and discovered an Amazon review that said the author had used the USDA recommendations for a family of 2.3 as the quantities for one individual (Note: my copy is the 10th edition.  More recent editions may have already corrected this error)!  Oops!  Easy enough fix though: I just divided the quantities by 2.3 before multiplying by the number of people in my household.  I used his guidelines to figure out how many "people" are in my house as well, since, obviously a 3 year old doesn't eat the same amount as I would or my almost teen son does.  Here is the method for determining what the author calls the "family factor": each family member gets an assigned number of points.  A male adult is 100 points, female adult is 85 points, a male teen is 140 points, a female teen or male child over 3 is 95 points, a female child over 3 is 75 points, and a child under 3 is 50 points.  Since my oldest will be a teen by the "deadline" and my youngest will be 3 soon, I leaned toward the higher numbers and considered my oldest a teen and the youngest a male child.  Once you total your family members' points, divide by 100 to get your "family factor", which is essentially the number of people to plan on feeding.

For my family, this number is 5.9, so the numbers on my list reflect that family size.  If you wish to use my list for your family, you'd need to divide the numbers show by 5.9, then multiply by your own family factor.  I do recommend getting your own copy of this book (and please use one of my links to do so, so I'll earn a small percentage of the sale), since the book has a lot of other useful info like shelf lives of the different things, food items our family doesn't use but yours might, recipes, and how much of non-food items you'd need for a year.

Here's my family's list of how much of each kind of food we should have for a year's supply, roughly based on this book; your mileage may vary:

Wheat, other whole grains, flours, & beans = 1796 pounds, to include the following:
popcorn
barley
cornmeal (26 pounds minimum)
flour (90 pounds minimum)
rice, white and brown (116 pounds minimum)
pasta, various types (90 pounds minimum)
granola & oatmeal (128 pounds minimum)
cold cereal (65 pounds minimum)
dried beans, assorted (193 pounds minimum)

Powdered milk, dairy products, and eggs = 513 pounds, to include the following:
milk, non-instant powdered (257 pound minimum)
butter, dehydrated (51 pound minimum)
cheese, dehydrated (64 pound minimum)
evaporated milk (16 cans minimum)
sweetened condensed milk
yogurt starter
cheese cultures

Sweeteners: honey, sugar, and syrup = 257 pounds, to include the following:
honey (180 pounds minimum)
maple syrup
molasses
white sugar (26 pounds minimum)
brown sugar
confectioners sugar

Cooking catalysts: salt, oil, and leavening agents=193 lbs, to include the following:
salt (13 pounds minimum)
yeast (2 pounds minimum)
baking soda
vegetable oil (26 gallons minimum)
olive oil (13 gallons minimum)

Canned & Dried Fruits, Vegetables & Soups=7054 servings, to include the following:
canned fruits, jams, jellies, and preserves (to equal 3207 servings)
potatoes=513 pounds, to include the following:

dried potatoes (65 pounds minimum)
canned potatoes, white and/or sweet
fresh potatoes, white (257 pounds minimum)
fresh sweet potatoes

canned vegetables=2565 servings, to include the following:

green beans
kidney beans
beets
carrots
corn, cut
corn, creamed
greens
peas
tomato paste
tomato sauce
canned tomatoes

canned soups (641 servings minimum)
shelf stable conveniences, such as boxed mac & cheese, Spaghettios, etc (257 servings, minimum)


Kitchen staples: condiments & seasonings=to preference, to include the following:
relish
pickles
olives
mayonnaise/salad dressing
salsa
chocolate chips (11 pounds minimum)
cocoa powder (3 pounds minimum)
cornstarch (2 pounds minimum)
gelatin, dry (11 pounds minimum)
nut butter (37 pounds minimum)
nuts & seeds, fresh or roasted (90 pounds minimum)
crackers (16 pounds minimum)
tapioca
catsup
soy sauce
steak sauce
Worcestershire sauce
assorted stocks/broths
apple cider vinegar
white vinegar
herbs/spices:

dill
garlic powder
dry mustard
onion flakes or powder
parsley flakes or powder
black pepper
white pepper
cayenne pepper
rosemary
cumin
nutmeg
chili powder
thyme
bay leaves
oregano
cinnamon
cloves
majoram
ginger
turmeric
basil
allspice
sage
paprika
vanilla beans/extract
almond extract

Meat and seafood=1796 servings, to include the following:
canned venison
jerky
canned poultry
luncheon meats, shelf stable
canned seafood

Pleasure foods: beverages, snacks, sweets, & treats=5131 servings, to include the following:
1924 servings minimum of the following:

juice
herbal stea
soft drinks
hot chocolate
coffee

1923 servings minimum of the following:

candy
tortilla chips
potato chips
snack crackers
pudding, shelf stable

When Zombie Chickens Attack (Part 1)

Vegetarian and vegan friends and readers, you may want to skip reading this post.  Don't worry, you won't hurt my feelings on this one.

Hey, meat eaters, where do you think you're going?  You need to stay here and read this.  If it icks you out too much to think of your meat as being dead animals, you probably should get over it or stop eating meat.  Because that's what meat is: D-E-A-D A-N-I-M-A-L-S.  I've long held the idea that people who eat meat should, at some point in their lives, either observe or, better yet, participate in the process of turning living animals into food, specifically animals you intend on eating personally.  I find the disconnect that so many people have of meat just being meat extremely disrespectful to the animal that gave its life for human consumption.  After all, how can you be grateful for its ultimate sacrifice, if you can't even acknowledge what it is?  Not to mention that if you think animals come in nice, clean, pretty packaging in the store, how do you know under what conditions that animal lived and died (hint: it was far, far worse than what I'm going to describe here if you are buying factory farmed meat at the store!)?

drawing by Patricalynn of Allure of Hearth and Home

This past weekend, on my birthday, I was given the opportunity to put my money where my mouth is, so to speak, and to help harvest the chickens that the relative I get eggs from no longer wanted or needed in his flock.  Since I've felt like I have about really knowing where your meat comes from, and because I was offered a share of this meat for free for my assistance, I jumped at the chance.

When I first got there, I didn't know what I was doing.  I quickly discovered that I was glad not to be the person actually killing the chickens, not because of any sort of moral dilemma, but because the method being used was to poke them in the brain before slitting their throat, something that my sensitive stomach churned at, even though it is supposed to be a more humane way to do it, since they are braindead by the time they bleed out or something.  My mom was also helping with this project, and had some prior experience with chicken butchering, so she was taking the lead on showing me what to do.  In the meantime, when she was working on the first chicken, the owner of the chickens, who was doing the actual slaughtering, handed off the next one to me, by the feet, so its head was down by my thigh. 

I was watching my mom and trying to learn what I was supposed to do, but my mind sometimes wanders.  If you ever have seen the television show Scrubs, that's the kind of mind wandering I'm talking about.  I was just contemplating zombie chickens and half expecting the chicken I was holding to come back to life and bite my thigh on its way to going for my brains (since it didn't have any brains anymore.  See how that kind of makes sense?), when the zombie chicken attacked for real!  Okay, so it didn't really bite me or go for my brain, but you know how the expression "running around like a chicken with their head cut off" is based on reality?  Well, this chicken couldn't run anywhere, since I was holding on to its legs, but it sure was trying to go somewhere!  It was flapping like crazy!  You know the expression "that scared the crap out of me?"  Okay, in this case, it really was just an expression, but it scared the something out of me!  It took me a good long while, and another zombie attack, before I could finally came down enough to hang it up to be processed.

This post is already getting quite long, so I think I'm going to save the rest of this two day adventure for another day, if you are interested, that is.  Would you be interested in reading a Part 2 of When Zombie Chickens Attack?  This was all in the first half hour of the adventure, so there is plenty more I could share!